‘I can’t believe I said that!’ I open my mouth, verbalising my thoughts, before realising I should have probably kept quiet. It’s a trap the more garrulous amongst us often fall into. I work hard to pause, count to two or even three to consider what I’m about to say before offering a contribution. Is it that we are simply afraid of silence, filling each empty second with something, no matter how irrelevant?
Mindfulness teaches us about the power of breathing, a mindful minute where we just focus on our breath can ease tension, calm nerves and invite considered thought. In mentoring, use of the pause can also be a powerful tool, allowing the mentee space to think and the mentor time to analyse. When mentoring, it takes herculean strength for me to hush the constant commentator within, but when I do I am always surprised at the result. Taking a moment to embrace the quiet and reflect upon the preceding discussion can enlighten thought processes and progress the session to an earlier solution. Agree at the outset, as part of your contract with each other, that you will embrace any pauses that naturally occur and use these moments to think deeply about what has been said. The mentor should endeavour to let the mentee reopen the discussion after a pause, taking the lead so they may fully benefit from such opportunities.
This is also an important element of Distal Mentoring (explored in The Mentor’s Companion A Guide to Good Mentoring Practice). Rather than offering an immediate solution, pause to see if the mentee has any ideas. Options they promote themselves are more likely to be implemented as they acknowledge ownership. It also builds confidence and is respectful. When a mentor pays the compliment of taking ideas seriously it can be very empowering.